Are Some People Just Lucky In Love?
As I stare out over the city of Dublin from the comfort of my hotel room, I feel a wave of gratitude for how good old “Irish luck” seems to have smiled down on my trip to this city, blessing me with endless days of gorgeous weather, as well as flight and hotel upgrades. I’m reminded of a question I am so often asked.
Are some people just luckier than others when it comes to love?
Like so many questions relating to matters of the heart - and relationships in general - on the surface this is not an easy question to answer. Every relationship is definitely unique in it’s expression of how two people establish that sacred ground on which they share with each other – that unique signature that becomes their relationship identity as a couple.
But if we look a little deeper, there does appear to be three distinct and fundamental core relationship values at play with the couples we tend to label as “lucky in love”.
Lucky-In-Love Core Value #1
Both partners in the relationship look to themselves as the source of their own happiness and fulfillment.
This is their number one success factor. They are happily-in-love with their own ability to be the source of their happiness and they do not place unrealistic expectations on each other to “complete” them in any way.
They don’t pressure their partners to meet their every need or plug their emotional holes. These couples are able to establish who they are as individual human beings and fulfill what feeds each of their souls.
They take ownership of filling up their own cups and don’t seek to make unrealistic demands on each other to meet each and every need, have access to each other 24/7 or treat each other like journals, sharing every thought, fear and insecurity that crosses their mind, down to the last detail. A little mystery keeps the intrigue going, right?
Lucky-In-Love Core Value #2
Both partners respect each other and allow their differences to enrich each others’ lives instead of having it pull them apart.
Isn’t it fascinating, when we first meet someone, how all we see are the similarities we share? We say things like “Wow, I love how we’re so on the same page” and “We’re so well matched!
He loves music/art/business/family just as much as I do.” We feel totally in sync with each other and can talk for hours on end, always giving each other the benefit of the doubt in situations that arise.
But then after about the three-month mark, suddenly the differences start to show up. And now we’re all, “Oh, in the beginning I didn’t quite realize that he…” or, “I just didn’t see it at first but he actually…”
This is completely natural in a relationship cycle and it’s how couples begin the process of negotiation once the differences start to make themselves known that determines whether the relationship ultimately goes the distance.
But where “lucky in love” people really get it right is that they don’t use their differences as ammunition against each other. They don’t try to control or manipulate their partners to live life their way to ensure that their own needs are consistently met. They have mastered the art of give and take and instead they nurture a core value that’s missing from many intimate relationships these days – a deep respect for their partner as an individual with a separate set of needs and values.
Lucky-In-Love Core Value #3
Both partners are team players and value the health of the evolving relationship above their own individual agenda.
Ever heard the phrase, “would you rather be right or would you rather be love?” Ooh this is such a tough one, isn’t it? In the heat of the moment, of course you’d rather be right! Who wouldn’t?
But the truth is “lucky in love” people are more focused on making decisions and reaching compromises that promote the overall health of the evolving relationship than making decisions that are right only for them as an individual.
These can be tricky waters to navigate because it takes a strong commitment from both sides to approach the huge decisions and challenges that life often throws at us in a way that can nurture the relationship and sufficiently satisfy each partner without compromising the other.
The key to creating this kind of relationship is to remember that it’s not just about finding the right partner, it’s also about being the right partner.
Whatever it is you want from a relationship, be willing to give it first and keep giving it. You will have it reciprocated. And if you don’t, well then you, as an individual, clearly have a very different kind of decision to make.
Until next time, Gorgeous!