3 Ways to Help Your Children Deal with Divorce

Help Your Children Deal with Divorce

3 WAYS TO HELP YOUR CHILDREN DEAL WITH DIVORCE

Article by Sophie Mihalko
Photo Credit: Dasha & Mari
Magazine: Issue #29

Emotions fly high when two people who swore to love each other their whole lives choose to end their relationship and divorce. Parents who are dealing with their own emotions find it often difficult to help their children go through this emotional time as well. The three strategies below will not only help your children go through the separation of their two favorite people with more ease, it will also help you feel more adequate as a parent during these challenging times. 

1| Allow them and you to feel everything.
Children are very aware of their parents emotions. Even if the parent is putting on a smile but they are distraught inside, the children know. If you do not acknowledge your emotions in front of your children, they will be confused and start thinking they have to hide their own feelings. 

While it is important that you let them know what you are feeling, it is also important that you let them know they don’t have to take care of it.

I was often more exhausted than usual when I picked up my kids from school while going through separation and I would say to them: “OK, mom is very tired and very sad tonight, but I still want to know how your day went. Just know if I cry, it’s not about you, ok?” And they got it. I did not make my emotions something bad and ugly I had to hide, I acknowledged them and let them be. So when my daughter one day said to me she was angry at me for not loving her dad anymore I answered “I get that. What else are you angry about?” She felt acknowledged and moved on a lot faster than if I told her not to be angry with me. 

2| Look at the other parent through your child’s eyes.
Divorce is often a choice made after two people decide there is a problem between them. It’s normal to feel that the other person is “the enemy” or just wrong. But your child is not seeing them that way. For them, it’s their parent too. 

It is very important that you look at the other parent, the person you are divorcing, through the eyes of your child. Step back for a moment and see that in your child’s eye, that person is not wrong, that person has not stopped loving them and that person is doing the best they can. When you are with your children, do not speak ill of their other parent. It will allow them to know they are not wrong for loving both of you. As mentioned above, let them know if you are upset but don’t blame anyone for your upset. You have the power to change that upset even if in this moment it’s hard to see. 

3| Focus on the good times.
Going through Divorce does not mean you only have to be angry, sad, upset, confused, frustrated all the time, although it’s ok to feel these emotions. Find a way to enjoy this time too. A divorce means you get to create something new. A new home maybe, new friendships, new activities, new possibilities. What have you always wanted to do with your children that you did not do before because it was either the other parent’s activity or they would not want to do it? My ex husband is very creative so I often let him handle arts and crafts or “make a play” activities. But I am very creative too and now I get a lot of joy finger painting with my kids or putting on dance shows. I get to be the whole mother I know myself to be. 

When you are having fun, your children will know everything is ok. They will know that even if they now have to see their parents separately, their life will still be filled with love and joy. And as a kid, that’s all they truly want. 

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It’s a Sign is a compilation of self-improvement articles written by entrepreneurs seeking to bring holistic solutions to everyday problems. Read more articles from this feature.

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Sophie Mihalko is a divorced mom of two girls. A former producer of large scale musicals she now facilitates change in the life of women, parents, and people going through life transitions. She is a Certified Facilitator of Access Consciousness® and Right Voice For You®. Divorce is a great change in your life and the life of your children, a change that does not have to be stressful or painful. Grab your FREE DIvorce Recovery Kit - A path to a happy home and life HERE. 

How to Avoid Worthless Fights - The Relationship Saving Question

HOW TO AVOID WORTHLESS FIGHTS –
THE RELATIONSHIP-SAVING QUESTION

How to Avoid Worthless Fights

Article by Priscilla Wainwright
Photo Credit: Dasha & Mari
Magazine: Issue #28

Ever get into an argument with your spouse, partner, or friend in which each of you came from a different side of an issue? Did this argument slide into a fight? And if it did, how long did the fight last, and what was the aftermath?

You know what I’m  talking about. We’ve all been there, perhaps all too often.  You see the situation one way, and it’s very clear to you that you are right! What’s more, the “truth” seems so obvious to you. It’s as if the truth is standing 10 feet tall with a huge capital “T” in the middle of the room, so obvious that even a blind person could see it.

The truth is so clear, so obvious. Yet the other person still disagrees! “Golly-Bum”, you think, “How can you be so dense? (or substitute “dumb”, “stupid”, or “stubborn”). Maybe you’ve actually said those words to them.

Yet your partner still doesn’t “get it”. Your frustration mounts. You’re making no headway. Steam is building between your ears. Then you throw the fireball: “You’re wrong!” you shout. Now you’re into an emotional battle. This ain’t gonna end pretty.    
    
These types of fights can have tragic outcomes. I’ve had clients who reported that it got physical, or they didn’t speak to each other for a week, or the police were called. While those outcomes are atypically severe, these types of fights leave scars afterward that are not easily healed. They can create lasting damage, and if they happen frequently enough, they can destroy your relationship.

Woohoo! There is a way to avoid these types of fights completely.

There is one simple question no one thinks to ask, that – if asked – can turn the whole situation down a more healthy path.

Here it is: When you sense your discussion is going down the path of division and anger, stop and ask, “I’m not sure I understand where you’re coming from.   What led you to that conclusion?”

This question changes everything. It turns you both from a path to battle to one of inquiry.

It also leads to understanding. As the other person answers, you get to see her or his logic stream. You still may not agree, but you gain insight into how she or he interpreted the situation and put the pieces together in their head. You also may discover that the “truth” is not always so clear cut, and you may find there are other valid interpretations.

As long as you both stay in discussion mode and don’t degenerate to fighting, there’s hope. You still may not agree, but it becomes easier to negotiate a conclusion or action plan. You may find that you agree to disagree. The main payoff? You still remain friends!

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Self-Care for Entrepreneurs: Lessons Learned from Reiki

SELF-CARE FOR ENTREPRENEURS
{Lessons Learned from Reiki}

Article by John Scardina
Photo Credit: Mariana Garcia
Magazine: Issue #24

Self-Care for Entrepreneurs

Before being attuned to Reiki I can honestly say that I never woke up one day ever and said, “What am I going to do for myself today”? There are way too many things going on in life, to take care of myself after all I’m fulfilling goals, helping others, and really just too busy to think of myself. Everyone thinks this way, right? Especially the entrepreneur, we have all been there, way too busy to take care of ourselves first. I can honestly say one of the best things in life I have done for myself is being attuned to Reiki. The best part is now can teach Reiki to others and let them help themselves and others. Who knows what you need better than you. It’s important to first nurture yourself!

Practices that you can provide yourself to improve mind, body, and spirit are listed below. Make time to practice these every day for you. You will feel better about all aspects of your life.

Meditate every morning and late evening if you can. Don’t overdo it, this can happen in 10 to 20 minute events. If you already practice Reiki you may incorporate as Reiki session at the same time.

Surround yourself with kind people. Walk away from friends that do not respect or nurture you. Remain or become friends with those who love for who you are.

Embrace your sense of humor. Laughter can quickly change your vibration to a higher level.

Lock up your worries. When focus is needed or working with clients mentally lock your worries into a box. You can open this box up when you are ready address these worries. Don’t dwell all day over a worry, address it when you can dedicate energies on a solution to your worries.

Sever emotional cords. When experiencing negative energy from people or any situation, cleanse yourself by imagining swiping a sword between you and the negative energy to stop its flow.

Exercise. This can be as simple as taking a walk or taking the stairs instead of an elevator. Anything that creates a physical energy within you to reduce stress and tension.

Forgive yourself. As an entrepreneur you most likely are compassionate towards client. Become compassionate with yourself.

Learn to say no. This is ideal if something affects your time or energy negatively.

Pamper yourself. Enjoy every moment that you do something special for you.

Practice Reiki Daily. 10 to 20 minutes a day. I prefer about 30 minutes a day before bed and this includes my meditation