IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP ALIVE OR SIMPLY EXISTING?
Article by Erron Noel
Is Your Relationship Alive or Simply Existing?
You can hear your partner in the garage. He’s home, unloading his things. You’re all curled up on the couch after a long day yourself. And your heart skips a beat when you see him, noticing he has flowers in his hands. Before you can say anything, he leans into you, kisses your neck sweetly and says, “Who says there needs to be a reason to give my Beauty flowers?!” He gazes into your eyes, sits down and puts his hand on your leg. You can tell he’s already forgotten about his things.
When was the last time this happened to you?! And are you one of those people who believe it will ONLY happen if it’s a special occasion?! What happened to having the extraordinary moments in your relationship, every day of your life?!
The excuses! The excuses as to why it’s not happening. Actually you don’t see them as excuses but as justifications. Here is the moment you have given your Power away. This is what you sound like:
"It'll get better."
Or,
"He's just stressed. The work project will be done soon."
Or,
"Kids just take so much of our focus. When they are older, things will be better and we will get to enjoy each other again."
Or maybe it’s done with action:
You’ve left a bad relationship. Inadvertently, there is space now for a good man to find you.
Either way, you are not leading. You may feel like you are in charge. But you are giving reasons, justifying circumstances. You are giving permission for the circumstances to exist rather than giving your relationship the life force that’s possible to change it!
So, why is this the practice? Because it feels better and is easier to explain why your love life is not the way you want it. It pacifies the situation.
It takes the personal responsibility out of WHY:
he doesn't bring you flowers randomly anymore
you have long spans between love making
you are agitated having to clean the house all by yourself, again
you aren’t surprising each other with dates like you used to
you don't feel an intimate connection any more
your last relationship was so toxic
you felt so alone
you grew apart
You feel “better” offering a reason when you talk about the issues in your relationship because it’s not comfortable to face why you and your partner aren’t feeling connected and lovey any more. By giving a blanket generalization like, “We both are just so swamped at work,” you won’t have to deep dive. The conversation gets dropped.
More than likely you and your partner are lying out loud to each other too - agreeing to what is causing the disconnect you feel.
Many people fall for the Lies and Illusions, rather than seeing TRUTH.
Here are some generalizations (to very real core issues) to be aware of that ARE the LIE or ILLUSION you’ve bought into. When you become aware of these, you can sniff them out so they don’t continue to have the hall pass they've been granted to stick around in your experience:
1. Your mindset is what will create a new experience.
Yes, mindset is important. Affirmations have been trendy. However, words are only as good as the energy behind them. If you don’t believe the words you are speaking at the SOUL level, they won’t work.
What changes experiences is transformation- in WHO you become, not in what you say.
2. Time is what will heal the discomfort.
I do not believe in suffering. And the excuse of time is merely condoning why it’s ok you’re feeling bad. And the same issues that are creating the discomfort will still exist. They have not been remedied. The only difference is that more time has passed. What’s true in your emotional experience is the same as your physical experience. Unless you uncover the root problem, or cause, the pain will just resurface later.
Keep this in mind if you’ve left a relationship. The issues that existed in that relationship were not joint issues. They were individual. If you haven’t uncovered yours then they will resurface in a future relationship. This is why so many people find themselves saying, “This feels all too similar.”
3. Life is just SO crazy right now.
Here is when circumstances TOTALLY get to rule. Where on earth are you feeling in control with this statement? That’s the point. You’re not. You are at the mercy of your circumstances.
/And you’re NOT. You always have choice./
Your next step is to identify the beliefs you hold as to WHY you feel you don’t have control or say in the matter.
Finish this statement: “I can’t ____ because _____.”
The latter part holds the GOLD. Here is where a shift can happen- in what you believe. It is the other path available to you. Here is where you can take back ahold of the steering wheel that you haven’t held in such a long time, or ever!
Here’s the truth about any of those lies or illusions- None of them have to continue to exist!
We can say “Sianara!” and “Good-bye, already!”
This will be the first activation to change! When you identify what you’ve bought into, you will be given an opportunity to choose another path. And that path can lead you to greater happiness and satisfaction in your love relationship!
The TRUTH is Relationships are a living, breathing life force YOU fuel.
The question is, are you and your partner acting as such?
You will never experience a FUN relationship if you are allowing it to simply exist. And the deep satisfaction? Ya, that will be void too.
But if you come to know the power and influence you are, you will SHIFT any situation or emotion in your relationship.
That’s when it gets really hot and incredible! You won’t give any generalizations or excuses any more; you’ll respond to people’s inquiry with a huge smile and a twinkle in your eye that leaves them SO curious! Because... EVERY moment you experience in your relationship is special!
