The Hard Truth About Being a Hardened Woman


Written by Angel Quintana  Photo: Paolo Prisco


I’m not going to sit here and write this article and pretend that I haven’t been a jaded, hardened woman in the past — or that it doesn’t show up from time to time in my present because I’d be lying!

Over the many years of observing my behaviors inside and outside of the workroom, I’ve come to see the light and that light is actually darkness.

Firstly, I want any man (or worse, another woman) who is reading this to understand that a hardened woman isn’t a bitch.

You can put labels on her all you want or try to fit her into a tiny uncomfortable box with the hopes of understanding who she really is, but you'd be wrong.


A hardened woman is a product of her environment.

She’s a survivor and no matter what circumstances she’s handed, she’ll keep going no matter what. However, this resilience and strength doesn’t come without a hefty price.

While all the war wounds and battlefields have been endured, and the years of being let down, heart break for which she still is trying to recover, and hard work that may or may have not paid off in her work life, she has created an unduly invisible shield to protect her soul. 

Like a faux fur jacket worn during those stormy winter days in New York City, this protective shield is a wall, a wall so high not even she could climb it. This will soon become problematic, for when she decides to access her intuition, give her heart to her beloved, or calm her mind, she simply cannot. She's blocked and it sucks!

With her inherent and increasing loneliness and sadness, there is no other option than to overthrow her invisible shield.


On the first day of this life changing task, she buys a pair of stylish sneakers. She figures, the only way to find out just how tall this barrier is so she could derive a master plan to get to the other side.

And so that is exactly what she does. Her first inclination is to jump over the wall like a hurdle on a racetrack. She backs up several yards and begins to run, catching momentum and speed with each step and then in an instant she jumps. She attempts the sprint two more times, but each time she was unable to reach the top of the wall to see what was on the other side.


One thing you must realize about a hardened woman is she doesn’t give up easily. The next day she goes to the market to purchase a trampoline to see if she can bounce her way over the top of the wall. She buys the bounciest and most expensive trampoline on the market. She practices for days bouncing up and down, but alas she is not able to reach the top of the wall.


On the third day, she is convinced the only logical next attempt would to be to find the tallest ladder, lean it against the wall and climb over it. Surely there must a ladder that would help her reach her goal. As she climbs with each step, the ladder was still not tall enough. And with a few shed tears, the wall remains and she feels defeated.

What happens next to the hardened woman is not only incredibly sad, but also a terrible shame.

You see, the hardened woman has the ability to move mountains, but it is her own protective shield that prevents her from obtaining what it is she truly desires. 

What is the hardened woman to do?

If you feel you are becoming (or are) a hardened woman, here are 3 basic steps you can take to break down your walls and achieve your greatest desires:

1) Show Vulnerability
Whether you are a single woman trying to find love in the dating space (even if it feels S-C-A-R-Y) or a woman in business looking to build her tribe, you must share what’s in your heart. This means, the next time a guy (or gal) let’s you down, you tell that person they hurt your feelings or you share a personal anecdote with the people you want to know you.

While most hardened women feel detered from showing raw emotion, fearing it will sound like weakness, in reality this action will actually soften her. Once you feel soft, your walls begin to come down like magick. 

2) Dress Like a Woman
This is where you can really start to have some fun. Forget climbing a ladder to get over the wall, instead try dressing like a woman. It doesn’t need to be ruffles and monochromatic pastel pink, your ensemble must simply make you FEEL like a woman.

This could include:

  • Wearing a feminine scent
  • Choosing to show legs (or your curves) 
  • Wearing a dress
  • Sporting a pair of high heels
  • Curling your hair

Whatever makes you feel more feminine, by all means do it! You’ll start to notice how you hold your body and how people respond to you differently. This kind of attention reminds you that you are indeed a woman or in this case a hardened woman who is beginning to soften.

3) Trust The Universe
One of the fastest ways to soften a hardened outer shell is trust that The Universe has your back. This means you literally need to kick back and “believe”. This can be intimidating at first for the hardened woman because she is so used to doing everything herself and pounding the pavement until she sees a result. 

However, The Universe works a little differently. It’s not necessarily about “making things happen”, it’s about “trusting” that they will. When you feel the need to control a given situation, that is the opposite of trusting The Universe.

The next time you feel the need to control a situation, remember that this will only hardened and strengthen the protective shield you so desperately want to break down!

If you’re a hardened woman or you feel your protective shield growing stronger, I want to encourage you to use these three tips to reverse the effects. A protective coat maybe have protected and served you for many years (and assisted in winning a few battlefields), but if your luck is running out, romance is at an all time low, or customers are not gravitating to you, it could very well be that the hardened woman inside of you is leading the way and it’s time to show her the door. 

The hardened woman has served her purpose for long enough, let’s give her some breathing room to let go, achieve, and believe. And before you know it, the soft side will take over and the beauty of being a woman will walk in the path that is light, free from the darkness of the past and where abundance lives at her finger tips.

If you’re looking to improve your business by becoming more self-aware, please join me in a free monthly call where I will help you tap into your intuition, awaken your gifts, and ward off bad juju! Register free at

Each call comes with a special potion created specifically for you to enhance your third eye and improve your experience with life and business! Pick-up your potion at while supplies last.



Angel Quintana is the founder and apothecary behind Holistic Fashionista®, a 360 degrees holistic experience for the woman who wants it all. The Holistic Fashionista Agency offers cutting-edge business trainings and advertising for the ambitious entrepreneur and our Botanica (COMING SUMMER 2016) stocks self-care rituals, medicinal skincare, and herbal beauty products to fuel the mind, body, and spirit.

In her book, Funnel Foreplay, she teaches change makers how to successfully quickly warm up cold leads and turn them into buyers. While her tattooed exterior shows her creative tough side and her road to success has been difficult, it is her thoughtful approach to brand building and unique selling approach that has won her thousands of raving fans. Angel and her businesses have been featured on: Apparel News,, Law of Attraction Radio, and spoken on stage at Digital Marketing for Business, At The Helm, and Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising in Los Angeles, CA.

Mini Course

All images appearing on the Holistic Fashionista web site are the exclusive property of our partnered
photographers and are protected under the United States and International Copyright laws.
These images may not be reproduced, copied, transmitted or manipulated without
the written permission of the photographers.