How to Practice More Self-Love (Part 2)

HOW TO PRACTICE MORE SELF-LOVE (PART 2)

Written By: Tracy Elizabeth Roman
Photo Credit: Dasha + Mari

Self-Love Nugget # 4

Let go. Look around at your physical space. Where you live has a vibration/energy all its own and if you are doing everything right but seeing no improvement in your thoughts and actions, take a look around. What are you holding onto? Old clothing? Unused/unflattering makeup or skincare? Broken furnishings? Toxic neighbors? When we don't care for ourselves we tolerate situations and people that are detrimental to our wellbeing. Unsupportive relationships, clutter, old makeup and clothing that we will never use but we keep because we "spent money on it". Toss that shit. It is contributing to your lower level energy. Spend 10 minutes daily purging your physical space of what you don't need and haven't used in the past 12 months. You will be amazed at how quickly your energy and mood lifts.

Self-Love Nugget # 5

Re-examine your relationships. This is a tough one because we love our friends and family and, let's be real here, we are afraid of being judged by them as stuck up or snooty. This is your life and the one thing I can pinky swear is true, people will think what they think about you REGARDLESS of what you do. So, choose whom you associate with. If your parents or siblings are negative, limit your exposure to them until you can maintain your higher level of awareness (and composure) in their presence.

And when you are tempted to backslide because you feel misunderstood by your family, remember that they are on their own individual journey and may choose to stay unconscious, reactive or unaware. You cannot take on their spiritual growth for them, so you must be willing to move forward on your own path rather than stay miserable in a relationship that does not support your personal evolution. I'm not saying this is easy.

I, too, still have difficulty in this area. Just know that there is absolutely no need for you to pick up sticks and move to another state—be gentle with yourself, keep putting one foot in front of the other and know that you'll get where you need to go at the right time.

I suggest that you read this article at least 3x. I find that when I re-read or re-listen to something multiple times, I pick up even more bits of wisdom that I had previously missed.

Our awakening as individuals, and collectively, is not an accident. It is a Divine plan and one which your soul agreed to when it [re]incarnated as you. Lack of self-love is but one way in which we keep ourselves from reaching our full potential out of fear. There is a plan for your life. But, in order to experience it, you must loosen your grip on what is, trust in your soul's guidance and operate from faith—not blind obedience—but a solid understanding of who you are as a soul and the evolutionary journey that is yours and yours alone.

Believe in yourself, believe in the dream in your heart and be open to the promptings of your soul.

How to Practice More Self-Love (Part 1)

How to Practice More Self-Love (Part 1)

HOW TO PRACTICE MORE SELF-LOVE (Part 1)

Written By: Tracy Elizabeth Roman

You can't help but notice that self-love is trending. Everyone wants to know if it is the culprit behind their problems, what the heck is self-love anyway and why should they care.

Loving or valuing ourselves is a delineator between those who have happy, meaningful lives and those that don't. Lack of self-love plays out in every area of our lives. It determines whether we get the job, promotion or raise. Whether we get to date the guy we really want or *Mr. Eh, he'll do for now.* Whether we're jazzed when we wake up in the mornings or we hit snooze 7x before reluctantly crawling out of bed. Most importantly, it determines whether we give ourselves the same care and compassion that we would give to someone we love dearly.

In short, not loving ourselves sends a message out into the Universe that we are not deserving of everything we want for ourselves, and that's a difficult realization to accept.

What can we do to start bringing in all that we desire to turn our lackluster life into one that lights us up like a 4th of July celebration? First, you must recognize that Tinkerbell is not going to wave a magic wand over your life and materialize all of your dreams in an instant. Action is a required component of this equation and there's no getting around that. Your soul incarnated as you to experience life, and that experience comes from doing, not sitting around wishing and hoping.

Below, I share a few nuggets of wisdom to help you start creating the life of your dreams:

Self-Love Nugget # 1
What are you avoiding? Self-love begins with self-knowledge. What emotions have you been unwilling to feel? What situations are you ignoring instead of dealing with them? This is key. Because you are creating your life from the level of consciousness (or awareness) that these suppressed emotions resonate at. My suggestion: get a massage. I find that when I go to the spa and have a restorative massage, I am more willing to look deeply within myself at the areas of my life I have been avoiding. Massage relaxes your muscles and your mind and allows your soul to reveal things to you that you would otherwise never know. Bring a journal with your and after your massage, sit in the spa's relaxation room and pour it out on paper.

Self-Love Nugget # 2
Daily rituals are not an indulgence; they are a requirement. We are bombarded by information at an alarming rate. You must find time, daily and preferably first thing in the morning, to spend time alone with your soul. Our soul speaks to us in the quiet moments, when the din of our thoughts is lowered. Try out different methodologies to see what works best for you: chanting, meditation, journaling, tapping, candle gazing, prayer, the list is endless. Find what suits you and then do it. Every day.

Self-Love Nugget # 3
Pay attention to what you are thinking. We habitually think the same self-defeating thoughts day in and day out. Become an observer. If you are reactive and negative, stop, inhale deeply, exhale and relax your shoulders. Then ask within: what am I thinking to cause this reaction? Allow the thoughts to flit across the blank canvas of your mind and observe them with curiosity rather than judgment, and a sincere desire to know yourself better. This is when awareness, aha's and self-understanding show up.

More Self-Love Nuggets await in Part 2 of How to Practice More Self-Love?

7 Unconventional Confidence Builders for Divorced Women

7 UNCONVENTIONAL CONFIDENCE BUILDERS
FOR DIVORCED WOMEN

7 Unconventional Confidence Builders for Divorced Women

Article by Camille Ditele
Photo Credit: Carley Page Interiors
Featuring: Jennifer Harrison
Magazine: Issue #42

A rocky marriage and subsequent divorce could make your self-confidence crumble. You’re suddenly unsure about yourself and your future. You might even feel like a failure. 

Regaining your confidence doesn’t have to be difficult or complicated. Here are some unconventional but practical tips that will empower you:

1 | Own the Responsibility and Take Charge

Some divorced women would blame their ex for their deflated self-confidence, but the blame game never really accomplishes anything worthwhile. Remember this: you can only regain your self-confidence if you take charge of how you feel about yourself. Refuse to allow your ex, in-laws or anyone else to make you feel small or unworthy. To paraphrase a quote from Eleanor Roosevelt, nobody can make you feel unworthy or incapable of anything without your consent.

Don’t wait for another man to make you feel beautiful and confident. Real confidence comes from within. If you continually seek approval or external validation to feel good about yourself, you’ll always be insecure. But if your confidence is deeply rooted within you, nothing can shake it. 

2 | Remind Yourself of Your Good Qualities

If your confidence takes a big hit because of your divorce, you need to remind yourself of all the good that is in you. Grab a pen and a piece of paper and make a list of your positive traits, talents, achievements, and all the compliments and praises you’ve received. This might make you feel uncomfortable because it seems “braggy.” But you don’t have to feel guilty, because this list is for your eyes only. Read your list often and give yourself permission to feel good.

3 | Let Your Guilt Speak to You, Then Let It Go

When you’ve done something wrong, it’s normal to feel guilty. The purpose of guilt is to prevent you from repeating the mistakes you’ve made. It’s also a sign that your moral compass is in good working order. The next time you hear the voice of guilt, ask these questions, “What can I do better? What should I avoid doing in the future?” 

But be careful not to let guilt overcome you. Unbridled guilt will make you feel unworthy and less confident. It will also make you want to punish yourself. Allow your guilt to speak to you so it can teach you the lessons you need to learn, but let it go once you have resolved to do better.

Focus on learning from your mistakes. Remember that when you learn from your mistakes, you become better and wiser. And because you know better now, you’ll be more confident in handling your next relationship should you later decide to be with someone new.

4 | Dare to Look Gorgeous…For You and You Alone!

You may feel terrible about what happened, but that’s not an excuse to look terrible. Your appearance says a lot about what’s going on inside you and how you treat yourself. You don’t need a liposuction or plastic surgery to look gorgeous, but you may need a bit of makeup and a visit to the salon. You might even need to revamp your entire wardrobe and maybe take frequent trips to the gym. It may take some work and you might need to spend quite a bit of money, but you’re worth it!

Regardless of what you do to improve your appearance, don’t do it because you want to attract men or somebody in particular. Instead, do it to feel good and to be more confident about yourself. Confidence is sexy.

5 | Upgrade Your Knowledge and Skills

You might be feeling insecure about your finances now that you’ve gotten divorced. Maybe you relied too much on your ex for your financial needs. Whatever the case is, you need to believe that you can stand on your own feet. But for you to be able to do that, you need to acquire knowledge and skills that will help you land a high paying job or build a high-income business. And the more knowledge and skills you have, the more valuable and confident you will be as a professional. 

There are plenty of free and paid learning resources on the internet. You can also check the universities and colleges in your area for courses that you can afford. 

6 | Go Kick Some Butt!

Nothing builds self-confidence quite like a sense of accomplishment. Even the smallest of achievements can give your confidence a much-needed boost, and they can lead to greater successes. Maybe you put aside some of your dreams when you got married. Now that you have a freer schedule, it’s time to move your goals from the backburner to your list of top priorities. Success, no matter how small, breeds confidence. 

7 | Help People

Helping people can also give you a sense of accomplishment and strengthen your self-worth. You will gain the respect of your community and people will value their relationship with you. It will also keep you too busy to feel sorry about yourself. Look for opportunities to volunteer and donate your talent, time, and money to a worthy cause. 

Divorce may be the end of a chapter in your life, but it also gives you a fresh start. But before you can move on to a new chapter, you need to work on yourself first, heal the wounds of the past, and rebuild what was damaged. Once you regain your confidence and learn to trust yourself, you can change your life and be a better version of yourself.

Schedule your Newly Single Dream Life session with Camille by connecting at Camille@dailycourage.info

7 Habits of Happy {Divorced} Women

7 HABITS OF HAPPY {DIVORCED} WOMEN

Article by Camille Ditele
Photo Credit: Ready Gypset Go
Magazine: Issue #41

Habits of Happy Women

“Happy divorced woman” may sound like an oxymoron to some people, but actually, it’s not. As tragic as a divorce may seem, you don’t have to be mired in despair and sadness. Some women say that getting divorced from their spouses was the best thing that ever happened to them. They emerged from the challenging experience looking and feeling better than ever.

But how can this be? The answer lies in your attitudes and habits. As you know, your habits determine the quality of your life. Here are some habits you can build to maintain your well-being, stay emotionally afloat, and take charge of your life even while going through a difficult divorce:

1| Take good care of yourself.
Remember, you need to be healthy and emotionally strong for yourself and the people who love you, especially your kids. Make sure that you eat a well-balanced diet and maintain a healthy exercise routine. Avoid comfort eating; eating carbohydrate-rich foods will only make you more depressed when the sugar high wears off.

As painful as a divorce can be, don’t allow yourself to get pulled under by depression. Make yourself mentally and emotionally stronger by letting go of anger and refusing to wallow in self-pity.

2| Face your emotional issues head on.
If you’re having emotional difficulties, don’t numb the pain by comfort-eating, drinking, taking drugs, or having sex. Don’t even start! These sources of temporary relief will cause more problems in the long run. Talk to a therapist who can help you process your emotions and deal with your problems in a healthy way.

3| Ask for help whenever you need it.
It can be tempting to isolate yourself while going through a painful divorce, but this will do you more harm than good. Don’t hesitate to reach out to friends and family when things don’t seem to get any easier. You can also join a support group. You don’t have to go through this difficult time alone.

4| Embrace change and enjoy it!
You must accept the fact that things will never be the same after your divorce. From now on, you will have to make decisions and navigate the future on your own. Change can be frightening, but it can also be exciting. It can lead to bigger and better things.

Any time you catch yourself feeling sad because things aren’t what they used to be, look at the flipside. Make a list of the positive changes that can happen or have already happened after you signed your divorce papers.

Here are some examples: If you had a difficult time dealing with your in-laws, you don’t have to think about them anymore. No more walking on eggshells! Also, you’ll have more “me time” because you’ll have one less person to take care of. Oh, that trip you’ve always wanted to take but your ex kept objecting to? It’s time to 

5| Set goals and work on them.
Setting goals will remind you that you still have a future ahead of you. Keep yourself busy in a constructive way. You can take up new hobbies, plan trips to places you’ve never been, or start a new business. Always give yourself something to work on and look forward to.

6| Live in the present and savor every moment.
Happy people live in the present. They realize that it’s the only time that truly exists. The past is gone and the future is not yet here. However, it doesn’t mean that the past and the future aren’t important. Learn from the past, but don’t dwell on it. You have to move on. Do what you can to give yourself and your kids a better future, but don’t stress yourself out by worrying. Live one day at a time.

7| Do your best to minimize the impact of divorce on your kids.
Any loving mother can only be happy if her kids are also happy. Divorce can be painful and difficult for children. For one, they need to get used to not living with both parents under the same roof. Settle everything as amicably as possible. Never criticize your ex in front of your children or force them to take sides.

You can’t expect your kids to understand everything, but you shouldn’t underestimate their ability to pick up everything they hear. Make sure to be extra careful when talking about the divorce and your ex when they’re around.

Divorce is a difficult experience for anybody regardless of who got dumped. But with the right and attitude and habits, you can always come out the winner. Yes, you can be divorced and yet be happy, but you have to take responsibility for your own well-being and happiness. 

Learn to create your Newly Single Dream Life and connect with Camille at camille@dailycourage.info

How to Get Over an Affair

HOW TO GET OVER AN AFFAIR

How To Get Over An Affair

Article by Camille Ditele
Photo Credit: Hailley Howard
Featuring: Siobhan Barrett
Magazine: Issue #39

Deception and lies are the worst, and when you catch your husband in an affair, the shock can be devastating. Infidelity is the cause of millions of divorces. 
But, what these numbers don’t reveal is what a betrayed wife can do to get past the trauma and rebuild her life. Here are some tips you can use to move past your husbands affair right after the “D – Day”. 

Take time off
Going away for a while helps you gain clarity, so take a few days off from work, and if possible go away for a weekend.

Surround yourself with people who love you
Ask for help and support from your parents, friends, and even your siblings. Don’t be afraid of what anyone might think; this situation is not you fault.

Learn to say “no”
You are under extreme stress; think of the rest of your life, your childrens. Prioritize your responsibilities so that you can put some of them on the back burner.

Put yourself first
Save as much as money as you can, so that you can use this account if your marriage heals or not.

Get counseling for yourself
See your own counselor in regards to your problem first. You can also visit an online support for the help that you need.

Go get tested for STDs and HIV
As scary as it seems, your health is something that is simply too important to hide from. 

Deciding to stay or go
You are not to blame for your husband’s decision to cheat. On the other hand, you must also take responsibility for your decisions

If you choose to rebuild the relationship between you and your husband, here are some things that you must do.

Beware of the “Honeymoon Stage”
At first, a sort of euphoria comes on, but it is a simple false security because the roller coaster ride often comes next. Eventually this concept can help you, but as time goes on it will depend on your husband.

Know the places your husband goes
Always make sure that you have an extra phone call or the key to his office. If he really wants to fix your marriage then he will not mind.

If you choose to let go of your marriage, you should prepare for some things that will happen.

Don’t look at your husband leaving as your life ending
It can be a beginning for you. You can do things that you never could, and a new, more confident and peaceful version of you will emerge.

It’s hard but stop yourself from wondering if he will come home
Focus on yourself (and your kids). Additionally, do things that you like to do. Just do it as long as you feel good and if you have kids, make special time to be with them. 

Using these simple tips offer you gems on trying to build a new life, as you learn to be happy. Learn to create your Newly Single Dream Life and connect with Camille at camille@dailycourage.info

Starting Over After Divorce

STARTING OVER AFTER DIVORCE

Write Your Divorce by Igniting Your Imagination

Article by Camille Ditele
Photo Credit: Victor of Valencia
Magazine: Issue #17

Keeping a personal journal through your divorce process is one of the healthiest things you can do.

Scientific studies have consistently shown that the process of committing our deepest thoughts to paper is the start of the healing process. James Pennebaker, one of America’s most distinguished research psychologists, says that the simple act of expressing your thoughts and feelings about emotionally challenging experiences on paper is proven to speed your recovery and improve your mental and physical health. His findings are published in his book Writing to Heal: A Guided Journal for Recovery From Trauma and Emotional Upheaval. 

Divorcees who have embraced journaling as therapy report setting aside a specific time each day, often later in the evening when the house is quiet and they are unlikely to be interrupted.

Some write while sipping tea or wine; some have classical music (Bach is preferred) playing softly in the background, and some enjoy writing with a scented candle burning. 

Many combine all three in their writing ritual. Somehow, as the anguish, despair, frustration and fear pour out of their hearts and onto the page, they find themselves lightened. Over time, an interesting thing happens. The story starts naturally to change.

First they change perspective. Instead of seeing themselves as the victim of the divorce, they consider if they could have instigated it. Instead of seeing divorce as the worst thing that could possibly happen to them, they start to see that it could be a blessed relief from a relationship that had run its course.

Some women we have talked to say they found they were repeating the same story night after night and they made a conscious decision to change their story. If you are journaling and want to change your story, resolve that for the rest of the month, you will write about one new thing each night that has nothing to do with divorce. You may spend a half hour writing about what an inspiration Maggie Smith is in Downton Abbey. You may talk about a hummingbird that stopped by your backyard feeder, or a perfectly accessorized outfit you saw in a store window on your way home. Write about a country you want to visit, a picture you want to paint, a perfect romance you want to have.

By pushing your mind to new ideas and igniting your imagination, you may find your new story spills over your pages and into your new life. The next time a friend asks how you are doing, you may be able to share that you have started to make a quilt, something you always wanted to do, or that you have purchased a little puppy.

Changing your story is the first step to changing your life.

You've Been Lied To: 4 Steps to Finding Your Truth

YOU'VE BEEN LIED TO: 4 STEPS TO FINDING YOUR TRUTH

Article by Jentana Lee Dabbs
Photo Credit: Dasha & Mari
Magazine: Issue #31

You've Been Lied To: 4 Steps to Finding Your Truth

What child during his/her growing years ever says, “when I grow up, I want to be broke, struggling and unhappy in life?” Most children dream about the limitless possibilities of their future.

What is it that happens when we grow up? What is the roadblock that suddenly stands in our way of living the life we dream about as children? 

The answer is “misinformation.”

What does that mean?
It means that when we were growing up, most of us were given a ton of misinformation about whom we are, what we should become and how we should function in this world. For example, our school system develops its main tests and curriculums for a certain learning style and those children who function at a different learning style other than what the school system says is “normal” are often punished, put in a “special” class for problem students, or they get put on psychoactive meds.  

The lies we’re taught
Throughout our most formidable years of learning who we are and about developing self-acceptance, we often become disconnected from who we really are, developing a feeling of low self acceptance and even self hatred, because we were constantly given punishing lies of “not being good enough” or of “being a bad student” because perhaps we forgot to finish an assignment, we had trouble keeping up with some of the homework load, our test scores were too low, we didn’t make the team, the assignment was done sloppy and so on. We became fearful of any “normal” mistake that we made, because we were programed to believe that we must be perfect 100% of the time and that the occasional failures, mistakes and falling on our face were “unacceptable”, so we grow up believing that are unacceptable, unless we can reach perfection.

From approval seeking to running away
Why do most people give up too soon? Because we become hooked on the constant search for approval and acceptance in order to keep moving forward and the second we don’t get that approval and acceptance or if it’s taking too long to find it, then our primal survival instinct kicks in from memories of the past of getting punished and hurt, so we choose to give up and run the other way, rather than the face the pain of disapproval.

How to change your misinformation 
The best and quickest ways to delete those lies about yourself is simply by learning about who you are, what makes you tick and how your mind works. For example, I had a mentor who was wonderful at many things; however, one of her flaws was that she only taught in a style that worked for her and not for everyone. Rather than choosing to have patience and understand that my brain style is different, she chose to not only punish me, but also punish me in front of our whole coaching group and make an example of me. Because I had a better understanding about myself, I realized she wasn’t a right fit for me, so I stopped working with her, where in the past, I would have beat myself up, gotten depressed and make every effort to get her approval again.

A client of mine came to me with very low self esteem and carrying a serious burden of guilt on his shoulders about who he is, because he truly believed that there was something wrong with him, he had misinformation about what is considered “normal” and what makes him tick. After working with me, I not only taught him about his personality and brain type, but I proved to him that the issues he went through are actually “normal” but no one ever allowed him to see that. Once he learned more about what makes him tick and how normal he really is, his self-esteem went up and he’s a much happier man.

4 Steps to finding who you are

1| Learn about your learning style: You can go online and take a test to see if you are a visual, auditory or kinesthetic learner.  It makes a huge difference in teaching you how you can best absorb information.

2| Do research on your personality type: Find some detailed personality tests to take online, such as the one on Holistic Fashionista or Myers Briggs, to know what makes you tick.

3| Find out your brain organizing type: Feeling frazzled? Rather than beat yourself up for lack of time management, read up on how the brain works. One book I love is called “Organizing for Your Brain Type” by Lanna Nakone, which includes a quiz and gives some great tips.

4| Practice daily rituals: Every day do something that will help strengthen who you are, such as hypnosis, guided imagery, step outside of your comfort zone, make your bed if you never make your bed, eat in a nice restaurant, do anything that makes you feel good and ultimately leads to you having a stronger bond with your true self!

How to Enjoy Life after Divorce

How To Enjoy Life After Divorce

HOW TO ENJOY LIFE AFTER DIVORCE

Article by Camille Ditele
Photo Credit: Dasha & Mari
Magazine: Issue #30

Thinking about having a life after divorce can be overwhelming and daunting for those who are suddenly cast into undertaking this situation; most tend to become fearful of what the future may hold. Honestly, it is really hard to consider how you can enjoy your life after divorce since this is such a hard situation to overcome. However, the most common problem of every person who endures this journey is they don’t know what to do to move forward and enjoy their life. So, how and what are the things that you may do?

Divorce by no means is easy to overcome. Listed below are some things you might consider in order to help you embrace your newfound independence:

||Think about your emotional steadiness
Divorce is truly a hard thing and whether you are going through it or you already have, your emotional steadiness is essential since you may tend to be somewhat off kilter after undertaking such an emotional ordeal. Always keep in mind that life after divorce could possibly be a struggle. However, you must also realize that you will create better times in your life. Through facing this situation~ you can begin your fast track towards a happy life.
 
||Try to look at the bright side
Think on a positive side. Remember that this is not an ending; rather it is just a new beginning for a better life. Having an optimistic mental attitude about your new beginning will create a big difference in enjoying everyday life. Life after divorce might be implausible and it might also be hard, if you don’t remain optimistic about what’s in front of you.
 
||Surround yourself with the people who have your best interest at heart
Most people begin a new relationship with anyone because they are lonely. Sparking a relationship whether it is friendly or romantic with everyone & anyone who will spend time with you may contribute to more sadness after divorce. So be very careful and selective when getting your feet wet in this area.

||Spend time doing things you like and enjoy every week
Make sure to spend some of your time in making yourself happy after divorce. Don’t forget to stop and smell the roses. At least once a week, take the time to go and do something that you really enjoy doing. If you don’t know what this is, well its time to figure that out don’t you think?
 
||Set definite objectives and execute a plan to attain those objectives
In order to assure that you feel better about yourself and enjoy the feeling that triumph brings, think about an objective or set objectives that you’ve always had but never attained. After that, prioritize those objectives and work out a plan to attain them, one by one. Let that plan be executed and then glory in your accomplishment and celebrate once you’ve reached your goal.

Creating your life after your divorce is a logical and sound thing to do in order to be blissful and have the life you desire. Your life doesn’t need to be a continuation of the hurt that you might have gone through. Start a new beginning by being optimistic and implementing what brings you joy.

Holistic Fashionista Recommended!

3 Secrets to Finding Closure After Divorce + more free tips to help you stop struggling and GET YOUR LIFE BACK AFTER DIVORCE!!

The REAL Reason You Haven't Found Closure Yet, What SMART Women Do That Will Save You Years of Struggle, 3 Steps You MUST Follow to Finally Move On Once and For All + more! Get FREE access here!