UNDERSTANDING THE 5 LOVE LANGUAGES
Article by Emma Darragh
Love is the only thing that matters in this world. We act from love, we protect for love, we set goals for love and self-love, and we cherish our fondest of memories that were full of love. Love is the only thing we come into this world with, and it’s the only thing we can leave this world with. But! Do you know your own personal love language?
What’s a love language?
Love Languages are the way in which we, as individuals, give and receive love. It’s your own personal flavour of how you show your love to others and your own personal flavour of how you feel the most loved by others. There are 5 love languages. Everyone has a primary or predominant love language and they can be different with how you show love and how you receive love.
Love Language 1: Words of Affirmations
Words of affirmations are compliments, words of encouragement, kindness positivity and appreciation. If this is your primary language you are either speaking or writing your words of love to your loved ones. If you receive in this language, then hearing or reading words fill up your love tank up the most.
Love Language 2: Quality Time
Quality time is the most expensive thing you could give someone. We can never get time back. However, just being in someone’s presence isn’t enough, especially if someone that receives in this language. The quality time has to be just that, quality. That is full focused attention, phones off and out of the way, giving full presence and intention. The minute you pull your phone out or have another distraction you are telling this person that they are not the most important to you in that moment. Listening goes hand in hand with this. Listening is a skill. Listen to hear the person, not to respond. Quality conversation may take some getting use to without interruption. Allow the person speaking to be seen and held in their emotions and experience without judgement.
Love Language 3: Gifts
If gifts are your love language it does not matter the monetary value. Gifts don’t always mean going in to a store to purchase something (but that’s ok too). Gifts have the background meaning that you have thought about this person with the intention to give them something. It is the effort and thought as well as the gift. They are visual symbols and reminders of love.
Love Language 4: Acts of Service
Acts of service are actions made without force. For example, helping out with dinner, taking the trash out, putting out someone’s favourite mug for him or her ready without question or without nagging. This can be understood as a team like manner where someone is helping the other with the intention of love and not being used as a doormat.
Love Language 5: Physical Touch
Last but not least is physical touch. This is a human innate need. If someone has a predominant language of touch and you each go without touching, it can be understood as a punishment and/or a rejection. Pulling someone close with the intention of love, holding hands, a simple touch on the arm can mean so much to a person with this primary love language. Plus it can be so fun learning different ways to touch each other.
Sit in a reflective space and write down 5-10 things that your spouse and/or loved ones do that make you feel the most loved by them. Then write down 5-10 things that you do to show your spouse and/or loved ones that you really love them. Encourage your loved ones to do a list also then talk it over. You may be very surprised at the results. Make a commitment to honour what your loved ones have written and take inspired action to help each other feel the most loved.
How to find your primary language?
If you haven’t already figured out which love language really spoke to you from above, the author of The 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman has created an online quiz. Learn your love language at www.5lovelanguages.com