THE CIRCLE OF LOVE: BEING AWARE OF YOUR PATTERNS AND BELIEFS AROUND LOVE

It’s more common to be familiar with how you give and receive love- but have you ever thought about where you learned to give and receive love from?

Love is learned through the process of your life. It’s learned through your parents/family, watching movies, reading books, religion, society, etc. All of your different experiences teach you what love “should” be. Most beliefs you hold around love are programmed into you subconsciously starting at a very young age. Due to this subconscious programming, you’re most likely unaware of whether these beliefs about love are your own truths or just projected onto you.

When you become aware of these projected beliefs, you get to decide whether you want to keep them as your own or let them go.

The first place to explore is your childhood, particularly your very own parents, caregivers, or guardians. How did these people show and give you love? How did they give and receive love within their own relationships, whether it be romantic or friendships? As a child, you’ve observed and learned through adults’ behaviors and actions. You then began to mimic the very same behaviors and actions, taking them on as your own.

A lot of learned behaviors aren’t harmful to mimic, especially if you grew up in a loving household. But what if you grew up in a hostile environment? One where your parents were constantly arguing and may have mentally or physically abused one another. How do you think a child growing up in this environment may learn how to treat the ones they love? In no means am I trying to put blame on parents/guardians but the reality is that children’s brains are like sponges, so they’re constantly soaking in information from surrounding stimuli.

Reflecting on your childhood experience is an excellent place to start observing your patterns. Keep in mind that your own perception and experience may be completely different than anyone else’s. Maybe you took on certain behaviors from your parents that your brother or sister did not, and that’s perfectly normal!. We all process and absorb differently. Observe without any judgement and see what comes up for you.

Another big influence comes from shows and movies you’ve watched- especially as a child. Did you grow up watching Disney princess movies? How many of you girls out there believe you need to be pretty or wear the perfect dress in order for your prince charming to come along and save you? Or what about settling for a beast who mistreats you because you believe he may have potential?

I know it sounds like I’m just overanalyzing, but hear me out here. Think about how many little girls idolize being a princess and how many of them try to act, dress, and embody them. Just from Disney princess movies alone, you can imagine how much influence about love comes from fictional characters and stories.

If you’re wondering why love seems so complicated or maybe challenging for you, I invite you to explore your own beliefs around love. Because it’s not that you struggle with experiencing love, you may struggle with learning what love truly means to you individually. Or you may struggle with unlearning beliefs that were pushed onto you that are not your truth. You may fear that if you let go of these beliefs that you will not receive love. You may fear your love being different & not accepted. All these limiting beliefs are what hold you back from experiencing the type of love you know as true, deep within your soul.

So, start observing, questioning, and journaling about love.

Starting at childhood, all the way to the present moment. Look into your past and present relationships, friendships, communities, societal beliefs, and even traumatizing personal experiences. All of these may help grow your awareness of how you learned to give and receive love.

The more you become aware of the certain patterns and behaviors you have around receiving or giving love, the better you can understand and the more you will unlearn what is not yours to keep.

Questions to explore:

How do you want to be loved?
How do you give love to others?
What are thoughts I believe about love and where did they come from?
What beliefs am I choosing to let go of?
What are patterns and behaviors that I find myself repeating?
Am I open or closed off to love, and why?
How can I rewrite my beliefs about love to make them feel true and good for me?

The beauty in this all is that you get to decide what love means to you. You get to choose how you want to give and receive love. You have the power to repeat or erase certain patterns and behaviors. Love is a complex process and it takes a hell of a lot of effort to learn from your past and apply it to the present. Be gentle and patient with yourself and make sure to give yourself extra love during the process. Much love xoxo