You've Been Lied To: 4 Steps to Finding Your Truth


Article by Jentana Lee Dabbs
Photo Credit: Dasha & Mari
Magazine: Issue #31

You've Been Lied To: 4 Steps to Finding Your Truth

You've Been Lied To: 4 Steps to Finding Your Truth

What child during his/her growing years ever says, “when I grow up, I want to be broke, struggling and unhappy in life?” Most children dream about the limitless possibilities of their future.

What is it that happens when we grow up? What is the roadblock that suddenly stands in our way of living the life we dream about as children? 

The answer is “misinformation.”

What does that mean?
It means that when we were growing up, most of us were given a ton of misinformation about whom we are, what we should become and how we should function in this world. For example, our school system develops its main tests and curriculums for a certain learning style and those children who function at a different learning style other than what the school system says is “normal” are often punished, put in a “special” class for problem students, or they get put on psychoactive meds.  

The lies we’re taught
Throughout our most formidable years of learning who we are and about developing self-acceptance, we often become disconnected from who we really are, developing a feeling of low self acceptance and even self hatred, because we were constantly given punishing lies of “not being good enough” or of “being a bad student” because perhaps we forgot to finish an assignment, we had trouble keeping up with some of the homework load, our test scores were too low, we didn’t make the team, the assignment was done sloppy and so on. We became fearful of any “normal” mistake that we made, because we were programed to believe that we must be perfect 100% of the time and that the occasional failures, mistakes and falling on our face were “unacceptable”, so we grow up believing that are unacceptable, unless we can reach perfection.

From approval seeking to running away
Why do most people give up too soon? Because we become hooked on the constant search for approval and acceptance in order to keep moving forward and the second we don’t get that approval and acceptance or if it’s taking too long to find it, then our primal survival instinct kicks in from memories of the past of getting punished and hurt, so we choose to give up and run the other way, rather than the face the pain of disapproval.

How to change your misinformation 
The best and quickest ways to delete those lies about yourself is simply by learning about who you are, what makes you tick and how your mind works. For example, I had a mentor who was wonderful at many things; however, one of her flaws was that she only taught in a style that worked for her and not for everyone. Rather than choosing to have patience and understand that my brain style is different, she chose to not only punish me, but also punish me in front of our whole coaching group and make an example of me. Because I had a better understanding about myself, I realized she wasn’t a right fit for me, so I stopped working with her, where in the past, I would have beat myself up, gotten depressed and make every effort to get her approval again.

A client of mine came to me with very low self esteem and carrying a serious burden of guilt on his shoulders about who he is, because he truly believed that there was something wrong with him, he had misinformation about what is considered “normal” and what makes him tick. After working with me, I not only taught him about his personality and brain type, but I proved to him that the issues he went through are actually “normal” but no one ever allowed him to see that. Once he learned more about what makes him tick and how normal he really is, his self-esteem went up and he’s a much happier man.

4 Steps to finding who you are

1| Learn about your learning style: You can go online and take a test to see if you are a visual, auditory or kinesthetic learner.  It makes a huge difference in teaching you how you can best absorb information.

2| Do research on your personality type: Find some detailed personality tests to take online, such as the one on Holistic Fashionista or Myers Briggs, to know what makes you tick.

3| Find out your brain organizing type: Feeling frazzled? Rather than beat yourself up for lack of time management, read up on how the brain works. One book I love is called “Organizing for Your Brain Type” by Lanna Nakone, which includes a quiz and gives some great tips.

4| Practice daily rituals: Every day do something that will help strengthen who you are, such as hypnosis, guided imagery, step outside of your comfort zone, make your bed if you never make your bed, eat in a nice restaurant, do anything that makes you feel good and ultimately leads to you having a stronger bond with your true self!

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