The Truth About People Who Piss Us Off

{...and why we need them!}

Article by Jentana Lee Dabbs
Photo Credit: Nancy Schoenmakers
Magazine: Issue #27

Bless the people who piss us off in our lives, you know those people, we all have them around us, our close friend, sibling, parent, love relationship, the person who you may have just recently blocked on Facebook.

Most of the time (not all the time) those people are in our lives to help us become aware of something deep inside that we may either not be aware of or we are in just plain denial about.

What do I mean?  
The other day, I was speaking to a friend of mine (I’ll call her Anna) and she expressed to me that she had been upset all week at her father, therefore she was doing all she could to stay away from home as much as possible and avoid speaking to him since she lived with her parents. She opened up to me about how much he had hurt her because he was criticizing her and he told her that she was greedy. Anna said that being called “greedy” hit her the hardest, because she had been so careful with money.   Anna couldn’t even be around her father after that and she was so angry with him. I did a little probing and I asked if there was some fear deep inside her of being greedy? At first she was in denial, then I probed a little deeper and sure enough, she did have some deep fear of being greedy and she had extreme guilt around money, which reflected in her business and her life to the point where after 5 years of being a coach, she was still giving away her service for free and living at home.

The invisible signals we send
Many of us are unaware that we either send or receive unconscious signals that those close to us will pick up or we will pick up from them. The closer we are to a person and the longer we have been around them, the more they will pick up our unconscious signals and most likely throw those signals back at us in some way. In addition, we will attract whatever unconscious signal we are sending out. For example if a woman is constantly attracting relationships that are abusive in some way, then chances are high that she has been beating herself up inside for many years and the only way to stop this cycle is through self love and becoming continuously conscious of when she beats herself up inside until the point that she has full control over her own self abuse and stops it.

How it works
Lets say you write a book and your hubby says to you “your book will never sell” or you get involved in a relationship with a man and he begins to call you “superficial” or “self-centered” anytime you express a desire to go out more. Rather than getting upset at the person for being unsupportive or an absolute jerk, really get honest with yourself, I mean DEEPLY honest with yourself and ask yourself these questions:

•    Is this this how I really feel inside?
•    Is this a deep fear I haven’t been willing to face?
•    Is this an unconscious belief that has been blocking me and is now being revealed to me?
•    What am I going to do to change this belief, starting now?

Once you’re clear and conscious on what is really going on deep inside, then silently give gratitude to the person who pissed you off and then get to work on fixing this personal issue you have because once you do that you will notice a few miraculous things happen:

•    The person close to you who normally criticizes you, will either leave your life or become more loving and supportive
•    The blocks that you had towards some of your goals will begin to lessen and vanish
•    You will have an increased awareness in yourself and the world around you
•    You will become a more confident and happier person, because you are consciously aware of your own crap and you quickly do something about it!

Be aware that, there are true jerks out there who just get pure joy by bullying others and the great thing is that you will become so aware and strong in your personal truth about yourself, that not only will they not affect you, but you’ll be able to just smile and gently release those people from you life, while continually be able to recognize and be grateful to ones that are there to piss us off for our highest good!


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