5 WAYS SMART WOMEN LOSE THEIR SPARKLE AND BURN OUT

Article by Kiki Federico
Photo Credit: Dasha & Mari
Magazine: Issue #29

Smart women have a tendency to need to pretend like we have it all “together” all the time. Something about our culture doesn’t allow women to be honest with ourselves, so we push through until we hit a wall and burn out. We can avoid learning by hitting rock bottom if we bring more conscious awareness to our daily activities.

She says “yes” to other people.
Ambitious women are notorious for people pleasing and thinking they need to prove themselves. So we say “yes” and take on too much. Every time you say “yes” to someone else, think about what you are saying “no” to. It’s probably yourself, your workouts, your downtime, your sleep, your creative side project. It’s important for women to establish healthy boundaries and communicate them to their colleagues, friends and family in order for us to have the energy we need to show up and be fully present, not tired and resentful.

She eats in front of a screen.
“I don’t have time for lunch,” is a terrible habit to fall into. Eating while distracted means that you eat faster, less mindfully and don’t actually know how much you end up eating. Perhaps more importantly, you miss the sensual experience of eating which is a big part of feeling alive and connected to life itself. A biproduct of being out of touch with your body is not knowing what it needs, overconsuming and then wishing we were different. So many ambitious women who overeat are craving to feel full to compensate for an emptiness within them. That emptiness can be mistaken for physical hunger, but it’s often a sign that she needs more pleasure, sweetness or meaning in her life.

She doesn’t know how she wants to feel.
This is equivalent to knowing why you wake up everyday. If you don’t know how you want to feel, then you are likely not going to exercise your strengths and move towards doing what you are good at (and brings you joy). Most people set goals that are attractive targets but are outside of themselves. Then fuel these goals with caffeine, sugar and sacrifice. (Sounds awesome!) By asking yourself, “how will that make me feel when I do/have that,” you tune into a fuller experience of life and the ongoing process of getting to where you want to be. You also open yourself up to understand if the goal will truly serve your highest good or you just like the idea of it. The real question is how does it serve you holistically and not just your need to check boxes or get validation from others.

She doesn’t ask for help.
Receiving is an essential part of the human experience, especially for women. Unfortunately, many of us learned that “it’s better to give than to receive.” (Whoever said that was definitely not a lady.) There is so much pressure to keep up appearances that we have it all together. Lots of ambitious women think, “I should be able to figure this out.” What we miss is the opportunity to communicate our vision (even if it’s for how to collate the copies of the presentation) and empower other people to do a good job and be a part of your team.

She criticizes other women.
Gossiping and competing with women is common, and it’s what’s killing our ability to rise to the levels of success we truly desire. Words are very powerful, and when we perpetuate rumors and position ourselves against other women, we are disempowering all women. Women leaders have a duty to go beyond simply “not talking shit” about other women and actively supporting them. When we have a bad breakup, lose a job, are struggling with a terrible boss, have a baby… who do we call on? Our sisters. What if all women were your sisters? We would tap into the inclusive power of the feminine to unify and amplify our power. We would encourage each other to shine.

It’s a Sign is a compilation of self-improvement articles written by entrepreneurs seeking to bring holistic solutions to everyday problems. Read more articles from this feature.

Kiki Federico is a Feminine Leadership Coach and founder of Ritual Uprising. Her mission is to liberate professional women to live and lead authentically, soulfully and in a community of sisterhood. She believes that women have the most critical role to play in shaping our future. But we must come together, celebrate what makes us women and change what's not working for us. Kiki helps women learn how to access their intuition and bring passion to their revolutionary ideas to become embodied, inspiring feminine leaders. Are you an emerging leader, change-maker or socially conscious woman in business? Then be sure to grab your FREE GIFT here on Owning Your Divine Feminine Power at Work {How to be heard without sounding like a bitch.}

6 SECRETS TO SUCCESS
{and Satisfaction} FOR EVOLVING WOMEN

Article By: Kiki Federico
Photo Credit: Dasha & Mari
Magazine: Issue #28

Our modern society puts a lot of weight on what we know and what we do as “proof” of what makes someone a leader. With the rise of holistic living and ancient wisdom traditions such as yoga, meditation and spirituality, our ideas of what makes someone a leader is rapidly changing. We are no longer willing to sacrifice our health and satisfaction for professional success. We are finding that Evolving Leadership the kind the world desperately needs has more to do with who you are and how you show up than your resume or accomplishments. Evolving Leaders are changemakers, and are here to BE the change. Here’s how:

Success + Satisfaction Secret #1: Get radically honest with how you feel.
Our ancestors were NOT told, “you’re too emotional.” In fact, Native American women were consulted by the men during their moon cycle. Their feelings were deeply honored as wisdom that was used to make decisions on matters that affected the whole tribe. As women, our feelings are one of our greatest powers and forms of intelligence, so let your feelings be heard, girl! Grab your journal and reflect. Give them a voice with trusted girlfriends. What is draining you? What fills you up? Whatever you do, do NOT ignore your feelings… They are here to tell you something! Practice tuning in to how you feel at least once per day.

Success + Satisfaction Secret #2: Slow down for selfcare.
Selfcare can often feel like another “todo” on the list, but it doesn’t have to! You actually care for your energetic body and elevate your vibe when you slow down. Slowing down means less of your energy is leaking out, so more of it becomes available to you. Besides, frantic, frazzled and scattered energy doesn't resonate with people who are looking for a leader. Consider simple things you do every day as part of your selfcare practice, like walking, breathing, and talking to friends. Consciously try to slow down, stop multitasking, breathe more slowly and deeply and look people in the eyes.

Success + Satisfaction Secret #3: Be willing to listen within.
In the digital age, it can be tempting to ask all your friends on Facebook or Google for advice. But the sages and mystics have known for aeons that the true teacher and all of your answers lie within. First, you must be willing to receive the inner guidance that is ready to flow through you. Then, make the time and space in your busy day to open to receive it. This means prioritizing alone time in silence, meditation, nature or movement to get out of your head and into your body to hear the voice of your deeper desires and inner wisdom.

Success + Satisfaction Secret #4: Listen to your community.
Stepping into leadership can be scary when we think that we have to be the authority and know it all. A true sign of leadership is understanding what your tribe thinks and cares about. A leader is more than a manager. She holds a vision and creates culture to motivate and inspire, in part by listening to her people. Take the pressure off yourself and schedule time to listen to your community or team. Allow others to feel heard. What do they need support with? What are their strengths? How would they approach things differently or make it better?

Success + Satisfaction Secret #5: Co-create -- share and receive the support of sisterhood.
When we lived in tribes and villages, we had a naturally interdependent lifestyle. This is how we are designed to survive, hence our desire to feel like we fit in or belong. So the fiercely independent woman who doesn’t need anybody is a dangerous archetype. So is the belief that women are catty or competitive. Thankfully, wiser feminine qualities such as vulnerability, communication and collaboration are emerging as coveted qualities for modern leaders. Evolving Leaders leave their inner control freak behind and embrace being a team player. This isn’t just working well with others. It means believing that your success equals and enhances my success. It means actively supporting other women and receiving it in turn, building your ateam and sharing your vision. When you ask for help, you give someone the opportunity to feel the satisfaction of contributing. You tell the universe that you are worthy of receiving
support and want to focus more on what lights you up.

Success + Satisfaction Secret #6: Embrace death -- Let go.
Death is a time of gratitude and celebration in many ancient cultures. It is an opportunity to honor what has come before and release it to make space for new life. Death is a recurring, natural part of life and can symbolize the end of a project, job, relationship, habit, or belief. Clinging and attaching to people, ideas, memories, fears actually goes against our true nature. Make time in your calendar (the new moon is perfect for this) to regularly celebrate what you want to release that no longer serves you. What are you clinging to that you need to let go of?